All Of My Memories
by LolliNirvana
Summary: Ms. Lovett looks back upon her life.
1. Remember

**(A/N: I love Sweeney Todd, but I always wondered what happened in Miss Lovett's childhood.**

**Yes, I am that much of a dork.)**

The shop was cold, smelling faintly of vinager, old milk, and gin. Nellie Lovett sat in the large, overstuffed armchair by the fireplace, staring into the flames. Her wirey dark auburn hair glinted in the firelight, the strands of gray turning platnium in the glow. She put her head in her hands, sighing. Remembering things.

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"Nellie! Nellie! Come 'ere!" A tall, heavy-set woman barked, looking over her shoulder.  
"Nellie! Oh where is she, that stu--"  
"I'm here, Ma'm!" Nellie called, running as fast as her little 7 year old legs could carry her. She wore a simple gray dress that came a tad bit past her knees, and no shoes. The soles of her feet her scarred and calloused from the sad fact that she always seemed to step on sharp things.

Unknown to her, a boot-clad foot appeared from behind a dooraway. Nellie went tumbling to the cold stone floor, not being able to break her fall, and thus tasting the warm, metallic flavor of blood in her mouth. Out of the shadows, came 17 year old Edmund Turpin. "It's rather sad," The boy sneered. "That a girl of your age cannot look where she's going." Nellie's eyes welled with tears. " You tripped me." She whispered.

"You merely tripped over my foot. None of it is my fault. It's _your_ fault for being so clumsy." Edmund said, rolling his eyes. "Your cruel!" Nellie cried softly, wiping her eyes. Mrs. Turpin yanked Nellie up by her collar. "You idiot girl, calling my son cruel? He has more potential than you at everything." She slapped Nellie across the face, causing a dribble of blood to trickle out of her mouth. "You'll be here for the rest of your life. Your lucky I took you from the orphanage in the first place, you wretch."  
Nellie slowly stood up, teetering on her feet. "Wha-what did you want me to do, Ma'm?" she said, holding back tears.

"Go find things to fill our pies. Now." Mrs. Turpin commanded. Nellie blinked, and took the knife off of the table, despite the fact that she could barely reach it, and grabbed a large potato sack, pulling it off the hook, and going out into the night.

She walked out into the alleyway, the cold making her shiver. She saw a rat scuttling along. She came up behind it, and grabbed it by the nape of it's neck. When it tried to bite her, she raised the knife and slit it's throat, blood covering her arm, and dropped it in the sack.

This usually went on for hours at a time. It was her job to get the sack filled to the brim with victims. The time spent looking was considerably less if she found a couple of feral cats. When she came back to the pie shop, she looked terrifying. A blood-stained knife in her hand, her forearms drenched with blood, a blood splotch on her cheek. Not to mention her blood-soaked dress, and the large potato sack. It looked as if she had just committed a horrible massacre.

And when you think about it, she had.

"Damn you, girl! Getting your dress dirty like that. You'll have to wear it inside out! Now go, wash!"

Nellie nodded obediantly, and walked into the washroom, grabbing a sponge and running it down her forearms and legs, not saying a single word. She wiped the splotch of blood off her cheek, looking into the dirty mirror, a small tear rolling down her face and dropping to the floor.

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Nellie sighed, remembering that time.

"'Scuse me, mum?" a small voice called out from the doorway.

She turned around. "Toby, dear." She smiled, walking up to him. "Are you alright?" She asked, ruffling his hair.

"Yes, mum. I just wanted to ask for some gin. Can't go to sleep, y'see."

Nellie smiled. She handed him a glass, and filled it up with gin.  
"Go to sleep, love." She whispered, kissing him on the top of his prickly head. "Thank you." He said, putting the glass to his lips.

Nellie smiled. A sad smile, but a smile none the less.

**(A/N: That's the first chapter, I suppose. Please review, read, favorite, all the things that every writer wants!)**


	2. Poor Thing

**(A/N: I just had to update again!**

**Oh, by the way, I don't own Sweeney Todd **

**WarningThere are adult themes in this chapter. Including Near rape.**

**So beware.**

**And yes, Lucy (Barker-Shaw) does work at the pie-shop.**

**It will be explained later.)**

14 year old Nellie Lovett stood at the counter of "TURPIN'S PIES." _I'm the one makin' all the bloody pies. _She thought, bitterly. _And I'm never going to be a Turpin. EVER._

"Why hello!" An old woman smiled. "I'd like a pie, please."

Nellie smiled, and turned around, grabbing a pie and setting it on a scrap of newspaper. "There you go, ma'm."  
The woman continued grinning a toothless grin.  
"It must be nice being a Turpin. With Mr. Edmund becoming a judge, and all."

Nellie's facial expression looked like she had just drank rotton milk, and was trying to hide her reaction.

"I-I'm not a Turpin." She stuttered, trying to keep a neutrual face.

"Your not? Pity." The woman said, her smile gone. She shuffled out of the shop. Nellie glared.

"I hate this work." She mumbled. She felt a hand on her shoulder. She whipped around. Lucy Shaw.

"It's alright. Nel." She giggled, her curly blonde hair showing traces of grime from not washing it in days. "It's my turn."

"Are you sure, Lucy?" Nellie asked. "After all, I can do my washing later."

"It's alright, Nel." Lucy said, smiling. She stood on her tip-toes and whispered in Nellie's ear. "And I wanted to get away from that awful Edmund. He's always visiting."

"He misses his mum." Nellie whispered back, and they both broke out in a fit of giggles.

"Thank you, Lucy." Nellie said, bowing her head slightly. Lucy smiled at Nellie, and asked the person who had just walked in what they would like.

Nellie began walking to the washroom, a small metal tub in the corner, and several buckets of water next to it. She poured four in. That meant four weeks with no baths. At that moment, she didn't care. She undid some of the buttons down her dress, and tugged it off. She was wearing a thin slip underneath, that may have been white some time ago, but was now a dingy gray. She heard a small trickle of laughter from the outside of the door. She heard a lock click, and in walked Edmund. Nellie's eyes widened, as she covered herself up. "Please, leave."

Edmund grinned slyly, running his hand over the wall.

"Switch that around. I'll leave when I please." He sneered. Nellie's eyes were wide. "Please go away."

Edmund set one hand on Nellie's shoulder, and he set his fingertip against her lips and swiftly moved it down to her collar-bone. Nellie's eyes were nearly popping out of her head. "What are you doing...?" she whispered. He slowly moved his fingertip under the strap of her slip. Nellie wriggled away. "Stop it!" she cried. "I'll report you! You'll be in jail for the rest of your life!" Edmund grabbed her wrists.

"You will listen to me, now. I'm going to be a judge. You can't report me to the authorities, wench. They won't believe you. I'll say that your insane. I'll tell them what a whore you are. How you stole from me."

Even at that desperate moment, Nellie tried to defend herself. "I've never stolen from you."

"It's true, you've never stolen from me." Edmund smirked, pushing her against the wall. She closed her eyes tightly, salty tears leaking out, and rolling down her cheeks. _It's just a dream. A bad dream. A nightmare._

"But I'm going to steal something from you." He began, as a demented grin began crawling across his face.

"Edmund! Come here! I have something to show you!" His mother called, from far away.

He cursed, and looked at Nellie. "Remember what I said."  
As he left the room, Nellie stood there, shocked. She kept the water in the bath, but not a drop of it touched her body.

At least something didn't.


	3. Forget Me

**(When was the last time I updated this? Good god.)**

Walking out of the room, Nellie felt dirty. Used. She had taken a wash-rag and wiped off her face, feeling as if she needed to be cleansed. She didn't want to take a bath. She wouldn't let herself be exposed. She took the buckets, putting the water back slyly, hoping that Mrs. Turpin wouldn't find out. That would guarantee a thrashing. She walked back up to the counter, smiling at Lucy. A mask. Nobody would ever know. The door jingled, a rusted cow-bell signaling that a customer was there. Nellie felt her heart catch in her throat.

Benjamin. Barker.

Oh, god, she loved him. She smiled, trying to be alluring, but worrying that she probably looked like she had filled up her glass one too many times. He smiled at her. "Nel." he nodded in her direction. God, he was beautiful. Those soulful chocolate eyes, that wavy dark hair that shone in the light, that shining smile, those _trousers_. Turpin's violation was gone from her mind. All that was there was him, him, him. She wanted to jump into his arms and ride away on a beautiful white horse, and have a little boy and a little girl and live by the sea. They would grow old together, and they would be happy. Forever. Two years wasn't that much of an age-difference. Someday he would realize how much he loved her.

He smiled at her, greeting her with a wink. "How are you, Nell?" he asked.

"F-fine thank you, B-Benjamin." She said, flushing pink.

Then he looked to Lucy. Lucy blushed, smiling shyly and nibbling on her lower lip. "Hello, Lucy." he said, smiling. "I was just wondering...if, you know, you'd like to go with me sometime?" Lucy blushed an even deeper red. "Oh, Mr. Barker, I don't know...I have to work at the shop." Lucy looked up to him, her blue eyes locking with his brown. He grabbed her hand, and kissed her on the lips. Such a display of affection was forbidden, but Lucy didn't seem to mind. She lightly pushed him off.

"That was rather...forward. I'll ask." Lucy said, smiling.

Nellie's heart had just broken into a thousand pieces, and shards of it stabbed the bottom of her stomach, making her feel sick.

"I...I have to get the pies out of the oven..." She ran away, down the steps, into the basement. The glow of the firelight reflected on her face. She sunk down, crying so hard she felt as if she couldn't breathe.

She heard footsteps lightly padded down the steps. Her eyes shot open, and she wiped the tears out of her eyes, calming down.

"Nellie? Nellie?" The tinkling bell of Lucy's voice rang in her ear. Nellie's blood ran cold.

"What, Lucy." She snapped, her normally warm voice frozen.

"Nell...I'm so excited!" She giggled. "I've always liked Benjamin! He's so sweet!"  
Nellie was silent.

"Nell? Nellie? Are you ok---"  
"Sure, I'm fine, Lucy." She said, her voice slicing the air. "Just damn peachy."

"Nellie...what's wrong? You don't curse very often. There's something wr-"  
"You know what's wrong." Nellie said, whipping her head around. "You've ALWAYS known." She jumped up. "You don't CARE. You never have cared about me. OH, it's just this GIRL who just HAPPENS to work with me. You always knew,"  
"No, I..." Lucy tried to protest. Nellie ignored her.

"You could have any boy, and have had every boy in all of London. I've heard you talk about it. 'Oh Jimmy is so sweet,' or 'Oh, Edward is so HANDSOME!' Don't you UNDERSTAND IT?" Nellie cried, almost screaming now.

"Nellie...I...what are you saying?"

"I HATE YOU! That's what I'm saying! Don't you get how that HURTS? No, you don't! For your information, I DON'T CARE what you DO. Go back to Benjamin. Get married, for all I care. Have kids! Forget that ugly little girl with the frizzy hair when you were fourteen. FORGET HER!"

"Nel-"  
"Don't call me that, damn you!" Nellie cried. "Don't call me that, damn you! Damn you! DAMN YOU!" Nellie screamed, running upstairs, tears rolling down her cheeks. Running out of the shop, and onto the streets, she ducked into an alley, crying and screaming. As it started to rain, she cried harder. "Forget me." she begged softly. "Forget me, everyone."


End file.
